Five Stories Up
by MellarkandArt
Summary: "I'm just offering you a roof... and a window to crawl out of. Although it is five stories up." Follow the life of Shawn Hunter living with Jonathan Turner after his father abandons him in season 2. TW: child abuse and self harm
1. Something To Care About

Chapter 1

"Ya'll take good care of my boy now, you hear?" Chet Hunter's loud voice boomed through the Matthew's house. Alan and Amy Mathews stared at him, Alan forcing a nod. Was he literally just leaving his son here for God knows how long to go off in some search of a wife that clearly didn't want to be found?

Shawn bit his lip, there wasn't really anything to say. He shouldn't have expected his father to come through for him, and now he was just going to be a burden for the Matthews. Good job, Dad, he thought to himself. Typical of his father, taking advantage of innocent friends. Shawn didn't belong here, he wasn't their kid. But his father didn't want him around. No one really wanted him around.

"Well," Shawn says, trying not to get emotional about this little bump in the road. "I guess I'll see you sometime," he mutters finally. Chet smiles, trying to ease his son into the situation. He throws a heavy arm around Shawn's shoulder, a halfway hug. "Don't you worry about a thing my boy, the Matthews will take good care of you."

Sure we will, Alan thinks to himself. Along with our other three children. We're bathed in riches though so don't worry about it, Chet.

"Bye, Dad," Shawn says quietly, completing the half hug into a full hug. Jonathan Turner feels like he can see the young man's heart breaking in two, and it pisses him off that Chet, the kid's own father, would just leave him here to find the woman that abandoned Shawn. Doesn't Chet realize he's doing the exact same thing to Shawn by leaving him here with the Matthews? And doesn't he realize the tremendous amount of financial, and emotional, strain that puts on the Amy and Alan? Taking in an extra kid isn't cheap, taking in Shawn is asking a lot. Not that he didn't care for the kid, he cared for him more than he wanted to admit. But it's no secret that Shawn isn't exactly the most easy kid to deal with.

"Well, I'll be seein' ya'll," Chet says, one hand ruffling Shawn's hair, the other on the door. "Safe travels, Chet," Alan says. Chet nods in response. "I love you, Dad," Shawn mumbles as Chet walks out the door. He just smiles as he closes the door behind him.

Chet knows he isn't doing the right thing by his boy, but he does it anyway.

"So," Cory starts, trying to distract Shawn from the emotional rollercoaster ride they boarded unknowingly, "guess you'll be staying here for awhile, should be fun, right?" Shawn nods, not really knowing what to say and not really wanting to turn away from the door to face the eyes of overwhelmed adults in the room. This situation was his problem, they shouldn't have to deal with it. But they did, because they were good people. He wished his parents would learn something from them, rather than take advantage. He takes a deep breath before turning around.

"Yeah, Cor, we're gonna have fun!" He says, faking a smile. Jon can see through the fake brightness in his eyes, the kid has nothing to smile about. He couldn't imagine how Shawn must be feeling, his mother and his father just took off on him. It couldn't be a nice feeling, but Jon knew that Shawn would never let those bad feelings be seen by the people who care about him. It's just the way he is, he struggles with letting people in. With good reason too, since it seems they always leave him.

"Do you wanna play my new PlayStation game, Shawnie?" Cory asks, knowing that Shawn probably didn't want to be in this room full of people all too aware of his unstable home situation. Cory never really realized just how messed up things could get at the Hunter household until now. "Yeah," Shawn responds, and he and Cory escape upstairs to Cory and Eric's - well, now, Cory, Eric and Shawn's room. It could never really be that way though, as much as deep down Shawn would love to be a real part of the Matthews family, he knew he never could be. This was just another temporary home.

"You're a good man, Alan," Turner says when Amy leaves and it's just the two middle aged men in the room.

Alan shrugs. "What else can I do, Jonathan? Man walks in here, practically leaving his fourteen year old child on my doorstep. I'll never understand it, but I'm certainly not going turn by back on my kid's best friend like everyone else seems to do to him. Gosh, he's practically my own son by now. It'll be difficult, but he's a good kid. He just has a hard time showing it sometimes. It'll be fine," Alan says this as though he's trying to convince himself of it more than Jon.

"I know he's a good kid, Alan, but it's still a lot of strain for your family. I just feel so sorry for him, his mom left without saying a word and now his father bails on him too. It's not fair, to say the least."

"No, it''s not," Alan rubs his forehead. "But it is what it is, and we'll manage. I just worry about how Shawn will handle this, at least he'll have Cory with him but still... it's more than a kid should have to deal with."

Jon nods. "It is, but like you say, it is what it is. We'll just have to keep an eye on him, with everything that's going on he could get himself in a lot of trouble."

"You're right. Well, just make sure to give him his English homework, and we'll try to make sure he does it." Jon smirks, "good luck with that. I guess I'll be on my way then, I'll be seeing you," he says, walking out the same door Chet did just moments before. He sees that the man's car has run over the garbage cans and they now lay dented and knocked over, littering the pavement. Jonathan shakes his head and starts to clean up the mess. He's not sure why he's getting so involved in this, but he does it anyway.

—

Chet Hunter's voice was in the house again, this time via telephone. It had been somewhat of a difficult three weeks at the Matthews house, no one knowing when or if Shawn's father would make his bold reappearance. The Matthews didn't want to get rid of Shawn, not exactly, but it just wasn't the right situation. No one knew how long it would be for and it's hard to run a household in such an unstable way. It wasn't good for the Matthews financially and it wasn't good for Shawn emotionally. He hadn't said anything about his dad, but a boy needs a stable home, a father who doesn't already have three kids who expect him to be there for them. They could manage, but it still didn't make it right. Now Chet was saying that he wouldn't be back anytime soon, which wasn't good news.

As Shawn stood on the stairs listening in on the conversation he should have been included in, he realized that his own father didn't want him and the now the Matthews didn't either. He didn't understand why people pretend to care about you only to hurt you in the end. When everyone turned around and saw him on the stairs, he knew he didn't belong there anymore. He never did. He didn't belong anywhere. He knew he had to leave, and that's what windows were made for.

Jon understood the kid, somewhat, and he was one step ahead of him. He didn't really know what he was going to say, next thing he knew was was offering the kid a home, doubting he'd take it. But surprisingly, he did. Perhaps it was time to panic, but Jon wasn't sure. Something about this felt right. The kid needed a home and Jon needed something to care about


	2. Falling

Chapter 2

The days were growing shorter and Shawn's sleeves were growing longer as the weather got colder. He liked the feeling of being bundled up, he sort of felt like he could hide inside of himself that way or something. When he got home from school he would lock himself inside of his bedroom and just flop down on his bed and hide under the covers for a bit, ignoring everything outside of his childish little fort. He didn't move, he didn't sleep, he just hid out for awhile. Jon assumed he was doing his homework and eventually he would, but not until much later in the night while once again forgoing sleep. It was easier to sleep through nightmares when completely exhausted, he didn't want to risk waking up Jonathan with his screaming.

Things weren't bad, realistically things were going very well for Shawn. Better than ever, maybe. So why did he feel so empty all of the time? Perhaps because he knew he didn't deserve this nice life outside of the trailer park, he didn't deserve stability. Why on earth did Jon even take him in? This situation would have to end eventually, and it would be easier to just go ahead and cut ties now before anyone got too attached. But Shawn couldn't seem to make himself run away this time. He liked his life. He just didn't like the person who was living it. He was never a big fan of himself, but lately his self-hatred was growing stronger every day. Cory started spending more and more time with Topanga and Shawn started spending more and more time on his own. Lonely Shawn was a perfect recipe for a disaster. He didn't like to sit around and think but that's all that he did lately.

One night when Jon was out on a date and Shawn was completely alone with his thoughts, he somehow found himself with a razor blade in his right hand positioned against his left wrist, locked inside sitting on the bathroom floor. He knew people did this, mostly teenage girls, but he always thought they were just stupid attention seekers. But it was all starting to make sense now, everything going on in his mind was all just too much to handle and he was wondering if perhaps this razor blade was more than just something to use to shave with, maybe it was something he could use to could slow his thoughts. He made one sad little swipe across, barely breaking his skin before he heard the front door open and panicked. There was not one bit of blood, but he freaked out, running his wrist under the sink and stuffing the blade in his jeans pocket.

"Shawn?" calls out Jonathan, knowing he wouldn't be asleep at nine o'clock. Shawn looked down at the pathetic little scratch on his wrist and decided it wouldn't be overly noticeable. He practically runs straight into Jon when he opens the bathroom door. "Oh, sorry!" he stumbles, quickly tucking his arm behind him. "I was just… brushing my teeth. How was your date?"

Jon smiles, glad not to have to come home to an empty apartment after a crappy date. "It was fine, did you get yourself something to eat?"

"Yeah, I made some macaroni and cheese," Shawn lies, not having had eaten a thing and not the least bit hungry.

"Okay, well, I'm exhausted so I'm going to go on to bed. Don't stay up too late."

Shawn nods and heads to his room, taking the blade out of his pocket and putting it in his desk drawer. He knows he won't be going to sleep for a very long time.

* * *

_"You're late," states Chet Hunter, sitting on the couch glaring at Shawn standing by the trailer door he had just entered. _

_"I-I'm sorry, Dad, I was just doing some homework with Cory," Shawn stutters._

_"What's the point in that? You'll always be a dumbass anyway."_

_Shawn tries not to take his words to heart. He's just drunk, he doesn't mean it. "I'm sorry, Dad," he says again. He starts to head in the direction of his bedroom but Chet stops him, grabbing him by his wrist. "Sorry don't cut it my boy, you should've been here fixing your daddy supper." _

_Shawn bites his lip, "I'll make it now, just let go of my arm, Dad." _

_"I'll let go when I feel like letting go, Shawny," he says, giving it a twist and doesn't let go until Shawn yelps in pain. "Dad, you broke my freaking wrist!" _

_"Maybe you should have thought about consequences before you spent all of that time at little Corky's house," Chet huffs, grabbing his beer bottle off of the side table and stumbling to his bedroom showing no remorse. Shawn curls up on the floor against the sofa, holding his wrist and sobbing alone._

* * *

Shawn wakes in a sweat, breathing heavy. His eyes dance around the room, taking in his surroundings. 'Not real, not real,' he thinks to himself. He's not in the trailer park anymore, he's in Mr. Turner's apartment. In his room. What he just had was a dream, not a reality. Although it was more of a flashback than anything. He picks up his watch on the side table and checks the time. 4 AM. He'd only slept an hour or so, still some time to kill before school. He sighs and gets up. Time to pace around the apartment for a bit.


	3. Trailer Park Turkey

**Countless hours I've spent staring at my computer screen since I posted the first chapter of this story, just trying to find the words that would never come. I used to be really good at this, but the past few years I just can't find any inspiration. Hopefully my writing quality has improved though. I really want to write this story, it's just so hard to get it going. I think the more I write the easier it will come, I spent months on chapter 2 and I wrote chapter 3 today, so that's improvement. I'm working on chapter 4 now, I really hope I can get this going for you guys. I know there's not many fics for this fandom but I love it so much and I hope what I'm contributing is good enough. I love Shawn and Jon's relationship. This is also posted on AO3 if that format is preferable. Thank you so much for the support, it keeps me going!**

Chapter 3

Shawn doesn't do it again for awhile. He looks down at the tiny line of pink on his wrist when his sleeves are rolled up and feels so remorseful. What a stupid, chick-like thing to do. _I'm better than that_, he thinks to himself. If for nothing else, he feels more for the quiet kids walking down the hallways of school, tugging at their sleeves. While he isn't cutting, it seems to be all that he can think about. _How many people do this? _he wonders. _Why doesn't anyone ever talk about it, like with drugs and alcohol?_ He doesn't even remember the first time he heard about it, it just seemed to appear in his brain one day. With drugs he could remember seeing the _say no to drugs _signs plastered all over school and businesses, and he'd always known about alcohol due to his father's attachment to it. _I guess we all have our vices, _he muses.

* * *

The days seem to drag on but fly by at the same time, and then there's the question of what Jon and himself are going to do for Thanksgiving. Shawn just wants to forget about it, but Jon just won't seem to let it go.

"I guess we could go to my parents' house…" Jon says while looking through the cabinets, not exactly sure what he's looking for.

"Jon, no offense, but I don't even know your parents. That would be really awkward."

"Okay," Jon sighs, sitting down on the couch next to Shawn. "I could try to make us something, I'm not that bad of a cook."

"I like you and all," Shawn starts, biting his lip, "but just the two of us on a day like Thanksgiving would be kind of depressing."

"Then what do you want to do?"

"I don't care."

"Shawn, you've said you don't care a million times but obviously you do. What do you want to do?"

"We don't have to do _any_thing."

"We have to do _some_thing."

"No, we _don_'t," Shawn huffs irritably. He storms off to his room, slamming the door behind him, leaving Jon wondering what on earth he's done wrong now.

* * *

In the end they spend the holiday with the Matthews. Surprisingly, Jon isn't the one who brings it back up, Shawn is. Alan and Amy ask Cory to ask Shawn to ask Johnathan if it would be preferable to spend Thanksgiving with them. Cory asks Shawn if he wants to spend Thanksgiving with them and Shawn asks Jon if it would be cool if they hung out at the Matthews on Thursday. Either way, the message gets across and Shawn and Jon show up at the Matthews house on the day with a store-bought pumpkin pie.

"Should we knock on the front door?" Jon wonders out loud, looking at Shawn. He rolls his eyes. "No, we should go in the side like we do every other day of the week," he says, going to the door attached to the kitchen.

"That's the back door," Jon muses.

"No, it's not," argues Shawn.

"Yes, it is."

"How do you figure?"

"The front door is in front of this door, not to the side of it."

"Whatever," Shawn says, rolling his eyes again. Jon smiles, knowing he's right.

The boys ascend to Eric and Cory's room almost as soon as the back/side door is opened, flopping down on Cory's bed.

"Is Topanga coming too?" Shawn asks, knowing Cory had asked her to ask her parents the way he had asked him to ask Jon.

"No, her parents wouldn't let her, she's spending it with a bunch of her family."

"Oh, well, that's still nice for her though."

"Yeah, I guess, I was just hoping we could all spend it together as friends. Everyone always spends Thanksgiving with their family," Cory frowns.

"Well, Thanksgiving is pretty much about eating too much food with your family, isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Shawn nods and spreads himself out further on the bed, wishing more than anything he was with his own family today.

* * *

"Did you have fun today?" Jon asks Shawn when they get back home, as if he's a three-year-old.

"Yeah, I guess," Shawn huffs, as if he's a three-year-old.

Shawn has been a bit on the irritable side lately, Jon can't decide if he should confront him about it or just let it go. He had a feeling most parents would call their kid out on it, ground them or something, but Shawn isn't really his kid and Jon doesn't totally know where his place is in this. But he also thought that maybe a friend would ask what was going on, and if nothing else, Jon is Shawn's friend.

"Hey, what's going on, buddy?" he asks as Shawn flops down on the couch. Shawn immediately sits up straighter. "Uh, what do you mean?"

Jon sits down next to him, daring Shawn's adverting blue eyes to look in his. "I mean you've just been a bit…"

"Of an asshole lately?" Shawn quips.

"Language," Jon warns, but not really caring.

"Sorry," Shawn smirks, then sighs. "I know I haven't been very pleasant lately, I just… I really miss my parents today." He bites his lip and looks away.

_Oh_. That explains it. Jon hadn't really taken the time to consider how the holidays must feel for Shawn without his family. He thinks Shawn and himself have a pretty good thing going, but it just doesn't replace true family. Jon was an adult and even he missed his weird parents sometimes. Shawn was just a kid without his.

"I'm sorry, kid, I guess I haven't really thought about it," Jon fumbles, rubbing his chin. "Maybe your dad will give you a call tonight."

"Yeah, I'm sure he will," Shawn scoffs.

"You never know," Jon offers gently.

Shawn nods, but he knows he won't be getting any calls tonight. He's never really been a priority in his parents' lives.

* * *

Shawn dreams of Thanksgiving in the trailer park, chicken instead of turkey in the oven because it's 23 cents a pound cheaper.


	4. Depressing December

Chapter 4

After Thanksgiving comes a depressing December and the idea of Christmas makes Shawn nervous. Will his dad call? He hasn't heard from him since before Thanksgiving. Is he supposed to get Jon a gift? What would he get him? He asked Cory this during lunch in the cafeteria.

"I don't know what to get my dad either," Cory tells him before he takes another bite of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Shawn raises his eyebrows. "Jon isn't my dad though…"

Cory panics a little realizing his poor choice in words. "Oh yeah of course not I just mean… you could get him something like what you would get a dad."

"I usually get my dad a Hooter's girl calendar for Christmas; I don't think Jon would like that…"

Cory laughs. "Probably not. Look Topanga wants me to go with her to the mall this afternoon to Christmas shop, you should come with us and look for something."

"Okay," Shawn agrees. He's still not sure he could find anything there that would be right to give him, he owed Jon so much more than he could buy him with money.

* * *

They look through countless ties and graphic t-shirts before Shawn admits defeat. "There's just not anything here that feels right," he says to his friends as they walk out of yet another store.

"Why don't you adopt an endangered animal for him?" Topanga says suddenly.

"Okay yeah, let me just go to Africa and pick up an elephant for him!" Shawn rolls his eyes.

"Not literally," she huffs and points at a wildlife decorated kiosk. "You can symbiotically adopt an endangered animal and you'll get a stuffed animal that you can give Mr. Turner!"

"That sounds like something someone would get _you _Topanga," Cory quips.

"Well do you have any better ideas? Come on Shawn, Cory and I could get him one too so it wouldn't feel awkward," she says, knowing that fear of it being weird was probably the biggest thing holding him back from getting Jon a gift.

"I guess that would be an okay gift," Shawn muses.

"It'll be great, let's go," she says leading the way to the kiosk. There are several stuffed animals to choose from, Topanga picks a sea turtle while Cory gets an elephant. "They're all sooo cute and it's for a good cause!" Topanga reminds Shawn who looks doubtful as he selects a tiger. He nods. They pay the bored looking teenagers running the kiosk and are on their way.

"Can you guys come over on Christmas day so we can give them to him together?" Shawn asks while they stand outside the mall entrance. Mr. Matthews was to pick them up at six and they had a few minutes to wait. Shawn was still nervous about the gift and hoped it was a good choice.

"I think so," Cory says. "Maybe in the afternoon?" Topanga adds.

Shawn nods. "That will be fine." Alan's car pulls up then and they pile into the backseat.

* * *

Christmas morning comes and Jon had just as much trouble deciding what to get Shawn. Mr. Feeney mentioned that he liked Counting Crows and while Jon knew he had a CD player, he thought he might like to have a Walkman and cassette tapes so he could listen to music outside of his room. He also got him one of those handheld basketball video games and some clothes. Shawn liked it all very much.

"Thank you so much, Jon, you didn't have to get me all this," he beams while taking the Walkman out of its packaging. Jon didn't feel like it was much at all but was glad it seemed to be enough for Shawn.

"I got you something too, but I want to wait for Cory and Topanga to get here," Shawn says.

"Now you really didn't have to get me anything, kid."

"Of course I did. I just hope you'll like it…" he says and Jon notices how worried he seems about it. "It doesn't matter what it is, Shawn, I'm sure I'll love it because you went to the effort to think of me," he says, hoping it's enough to ease Shawn's anxieties. He just responds with a smile.

Chet does not call but Shawn doesn't really care. Cory and Topanga arrive, they give Jon his gifts and he really does love them. "This is so thoughtful!" he states, knowing that it was all probably Topanga's idea considering what it was but appreciating the thought from all.

* * *

It's eleven o'clock and he tries to focus on doing some of his winter break homework, but he cannot stop thinking. He has started to question things that he never did before and that scared him. He had never really been able to believe in or depend on anything, but he thought he was sure of certain things and now he wasn't anymore. It's Christmas, why is he doing this again? He just wanted to be a normal kid going to high school like Cory and Topanga but instead he was a mental case living with his English teacher, how messed up is that? He doesn't want to add to his drama, but the blade sits lonely in his desk drawer where he left it weeks ago and he keeps thinking about that as an option. He already did it once, did it really matter if he tried it again at this point? It's not like things were getting any better and he really didn't think he could feel much worse.

Jon was asleep, so he takes the blade out of his drawer, quietly opens his door and creeps to the bathroom. Locking that door behind him, he sinks to the tile floor. _This is stupid _he thinks, but he rolls up his sleeve anyway. Slightly shaking, he puts metal to skin and is rewarded with the sight of blood. He bites his lip. It hurt, but not in the way getting hurt usually hurts. If you cut yourself by accident it is a painful surprise, but Shawn liked the control he had with this, so he does it again. He takes a breath and then tells himself just one more, three times is enough. It stings more than the first two, but he likes it. He stands up after a moment and drops the blade in the sink, turning on the faucet on the cold side he rinses his wrist clean. He looks under the sink and finds some gauze, he doesn't have to use much to cover his wrist. He rolls his sleeve back down, rinses off the blade and takes it with him when he exits the bathroom. Back in his room he puts the blade back in his desk drawer, he puts a Counting Crows cassette tape in his Walkman and falls asleep with his headphones in.

* * *

**A/N: only took me two months to write chapter 4.**


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